I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize