you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i think i have two assholes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
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Blow job season was short but glorious.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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