And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize