I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize