I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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