I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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