I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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