cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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