oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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