Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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