Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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