I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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