guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize