i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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