Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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