So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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