last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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