yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize