At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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