ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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