happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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