It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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