??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
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Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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