One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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