He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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