we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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