well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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