So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize