Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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