My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
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When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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