when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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