My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize