We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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