we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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