hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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