I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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