I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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