last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
two words...techno handjob
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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