You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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