how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize