THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
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I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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