my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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