i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just want to make out with him forever
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