I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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