i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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