the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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