I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
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Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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