Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
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I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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