I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize