I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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